Here's My Life (FAITH)

Okay. Yes, I did just post yesterday. But man, a lot can happen in the space of a few hours. A lot. And, simply for lack of a better idea, and the ability to clearly state my thoughts at the moment, the acronym will come to my rescue. . .

I will admit that I am facing a certain amount of FEAR right now. I know that fear is not from God, and that the Devil is using my own weakness against me. But with something like this nailing me unexpectedly, the fear of the future and the unknown is once again rearing its ugly head. I'm scared of what I don't know. I'm scared of not having him around when I need him. I'm scared. Period. Oh, God -- help me where I am weak!!

The best part of this is knowing that God is the AUTHORITY over all of these life-changing aspirations. I pray that He will continue to guide both of us (moreso Jon than me right now) and will keep us walking in His direction. I won't deny that I feel the Hand of God in this newest revelation. I really do. This is something that he really should do -- it's perfect for him! God is in control -- I just have to keep telling myself that, and rely on Him for my strength and clarity.

I. That's the crux of it. I feel extremely selfish. If I had my own way, nothing would change. It would all go as planned. . .and then we would both miss the blessing of God on our lives. This is where total surrender comes in to play. All I have left is to fall at the foot of the cross and give it all over to God. My pain, my weakness, my fear, my worries, my confusion. Everything.

Then again, there is a certain measure of THANKFULNESS that comes riding up right about now, too. I'm so greatful to God that we can go through this together instead of by ourselves. With God, we would never be alone. But still, it's really nice to have a human companion to figure out life's rough spots with, you know? It's gonna be hard -- no doubt about it! But God has a plan and a purpose to everything.

And that's why I'm just gonna keep HOLDING ON. It will be hard, there might even be some pain thrown in there. But you know what? He died on the cross to save me from the ultimate suffering. For the betterment of His kingdom, can't I give up a few things? Surrendering the things (and people) that I hold dearest to my heart is not easy. And I know that it won't be easy for him, either. But you know what? It's gonna be worth it in the end.

FAITH. It's gonna take a lot of FAITH. Prayer. Suplication. Tears. Pain. Seperation. But my God is big enough. Big enough to get me through this. Big enough to provide in extremely miraculous ways. Big enough to keep our relationship strong. . .and to have it grow stronger, even through distance. Big enough. 100%.

On the ring finger of my right hand, there's a promise. A really really big one! And you know what? I trust him. I trust that promise. I will wait. I will keep waiting. No one else. I'm a one-man woman. It's a promise that I intend to keep until the bitter end. . .and then some!

God, I'm crying out tonight
Cause I'm giving You my life.
God, I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind.
So once more --
Here's my life.
~Here's My Life, BarlowGirl