Who Is Like Our God?

"Sometimes, I wish I was made of concrete. A stone statue. Feeling nothing. Being nothing. Impervious to pain, to sorrow, to the agonizing guilt that threatens to consume my aching heart. I wouldn't break, I would simply be. But maybe even that might be too much."



That was me almost two years ago. And then, again, nine months ago. Pouring out my feelings via pen and razorblade, journaling and allowing all the pain to just pour out of my fingertips. Ink expressed what I could not say in my fragile voice. My insecurities kept me from becoming who I was meant to be, from experiencing anything except blackness. Everything about me was dark. My hair, my clothes, my make-up. Even my eyes were black with sorrow and rebellion. The music I listened to was a mix of sad "love" songs, death, and despair. Not anymore.

I still have pain in my life. Life hasn't suddenly and magicly transformed into a place that's all "rainbows and butterflies." But things are better. I have Someone and someone to turn to now when I just need a way out. Let me explain:

Someone. That would be my incredible Savior, Jesus Christ. Sometimes, I look at my life, and the lives of those around me, and I compare the two. I look at how they handle hard and painful issues, and I see nothing but emptiness and hopelessness. How can they hope to get through life without God? There are days when I have no one around me -- I'm alone. All I can do is fall on my knees. And it is then when I find myself walking into the court of the greatest King ever to rule in the history of the world. I'm His daughter, and my Father always hears my broken-hearted cries, even when no one else can. I go out into the middle of the widest field and just scream my heart out. And He hears me! Lowly, sinful, little me! He picks me up and carries me when I can't walk anymore. He listens to my problems, and guides me through things that seem hopeless! Where would I be without Him? When I get married, I want to have a son named Mishael. I never knew what his name meant until I did this Daniel Bible Study. 'Who is like our God?" Wow!

The other someone. That would be Jon, of course. There are days when I marvel at our relationship, and the majesty of the hand of God within our love story. The other day, I was thinking about where I would be without Jon in my life. Honestly, I don't even want to know! I have dated so many loosers in my life -- sadly -- but to be honest, there is no one else that I can imagine myself spending the rest of my life with other than him! It's an incredible thing to realize. Just recently, I had someone tell me that what Jon and I are doing isn't right. According to this person, 17 and 20 is just too young to know our own hearts, and we won't last more than a year! Um, excuse me? God has brought Jon and I together for "such a time as this." HE HAS BROUGHT US TOGETHER!!! GOD! THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE! We are both following His call on our lives. Right now, His plan is for Jon and I to be together. Hopefully until the end of time. There is so much that my heart aches to say, and yet, I can't seem to find the words. You know it's something big when a writer can't even find the right words! =]

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned.
I only know, at His right hand,
Stands One who is my Savior.
I take Him at His word and deed.
Christ died to save me, this I read.
And within me,
I find a need
For Him to be my Savior.
My Savior loves,
My Savior lives,
My Savior's always there for me.
My God He was,
My God He is --
My God He's ALWAYS GONNA BE!!!!!!!!
~My Savior, My God - Aaron Schust